worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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