he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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