Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
