"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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