I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
