i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
