i think my mom watched the whole time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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