So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
