Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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