I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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