i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
