Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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