I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
