Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
