the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
