We named our party play list daddy issues
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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