just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
