swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bring me that man meat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
false alarm, still single
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