I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
