I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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