I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
