Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
