apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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