There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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