How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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