You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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