i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
