your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
