Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
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