I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
