Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
