I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
