If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
