They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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