everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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