im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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