True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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