Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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