Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
