I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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