After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
