Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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