I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize