She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
