I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.