My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?