Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.