Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's the barista slut.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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