there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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