I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Too much gin, very little bucket
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
