You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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