yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They took my balls.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
