the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
