Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
