My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
