You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
