how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
