Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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