Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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