watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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