they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
