so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
