She is in my trunk
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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