oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
