i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
